Monday, May 3, 2010


Someone once told me that when you live your life in black and white and you are suddenly blinded by color, the energy and power it brings can be overwhelming. The fact that a door has opened and is literally shedding new light into your world can make you want to run head first into the unknown.

The light, this beautiful, amazing, warm and loving light should never be taken lightly. It can hold the answer to prayers, a solution to that never-ending problem, the confidence and courage so desperately sought or it could simply be the energy we need to see the black and white world a bit better until we are ready to take the step. It can also serve as a conduit to turn the black and white world into more of a pastel.

These are crossroads. Sometimes we face them unknowingly and only in hindsight can we see the impact of the decisions we make in that moment. Afterwards, days or years later, we go back and analyze our every word and action until the images themselves are distorted and the truth is twisted by our own guilt. “If only I knew then what I know now” becomes your personal mantra and either you learn to forgive yourself and move on, or this pain eats away at your soul.

The more difficult ones are where you find yourself standing utterly alone in the epicenter of the crossroads itself with the clock ticking in your head. Dust blowing all around you engulfing every inch of your being, infiltrating your lungs making it hard to breathe. You neither see nor hear life in any direction for miles and miles. The unforgiving sun beats down on you, urging you to make a decision before the deadness of your surroundings claim you. You stand there, dripping in sweat, with labored breathing contemplating each road knowing each will ultimately lead you in completely different directions. In desperation you make a choice with no way to foresee where your journey will lead or if the seductive light will still be at the end, waiting for you with open arms.

We all do the best we can when faced with these crossroads in our lives. Sometimes we go running down the first road we see in order to avoid tempting thoughts of what the others may bring. Other times, we stand there so long debating the pros and cons of each that the desert sun claims a piece of us and we loose more than just an opportunity, but will eventually face the guilt of indecision.

The same person also told me that when you are in this epicenter with a difficult choice to make, sometimes, just sometimes, it’s best not to do anything and wait to discover if the light shines bright enough at the end of the right road to show you the way home.

And so... I wait.

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