I’m beginning to believe I lack the basic ability to cope. I liken my reaction to life’s challenges to the Monty Python gang when they were confronted by the killer bunny they encountered while searching for the Holy Grail. At first glance, no biggie! It’s just a little, cute, fluffy bunny, but upon closer inspection, the fangs are dripping with fluids from its last meal, its bloodied fur is mussed up from the most recent fight and a look of pure evil is shooting from its eyes which are intensely fixed on ME.
More and more I'm discovering that I’m not the knight who goes charging, sword drawn and ready to face certain death by bunny rabbit; I’m in the group who drop their weapons and swiftly race in the opposite direction screaming “RUN AWAY!”
It’s not that I don’t want to be the one charging the fierce beast, I do, but my mind sees this ominous creature and begins playing all kinds of scenarios where I loose appendages, walk or crawl away permanently scarred or don’t walk away at all. None of these thoughts have me coming out of a fight victorious and since I don’t seem to have access to the Holy Hand Grenade, my confidence in an actual victory is slim.
But it seems to me that lately, it’s not just one killer bunny staring at me like I was a juicy meal, but a violent gang of rabid rabbits hell bent on my landing on their dining table filled with a nice stuffing.
Constantly being chased by said bunnies has limited my view of rabbits in general. I see one and I don’t think “Oh, how cute”, I think “where are the fangs?”. I so badly want to look around and see happy dancing bunnies hopping joyfully around a wood, but I just can’t seem to get the images of the killer bunnies I’ve recently encountered out of my head. And since there always seems to be one trying to knaw on my legs, it becomes hard to move forward with an optimistic attitude.
This strong sense of fear is beginning to hinder my ability to move forward in life and greatly diminishes my trust in mankind. In my head, I know there are dangers and risks no matter what I do and that if I weren’t faced with challenges, the end result wouldn’t be as sweet, I just seem to lack the ability to pull my strength together to pick up my sword and charge. I simply don't want to have to carry a weapon at all.
I think I'll go research the flight of a swallow.